As soon as you read the title of this movie, you immediately know what it’s about. Kull the Conqueror is a sword and sorcery fantasy epic that stands out in the sea of similar movies. Mostly because of its bigger budget and the fact it’s one of those so bad that it’s good movies. This is a balls-out Conan rip-off, trying to cash in on the waning popularity of the franchise. The lead actor, Kevin Sorbo looked almost comical with that haircut that only Arnie could pull off. Although I will have to admit that he has that B-movie swagger I enjoy so much. Strutting around like he owns the place, it’s just so pretentious and hilarious. And I freaking love it! He jumped straight into this one after starring in exactly five Hercules movies.
Opposite of him we have two very beautiful, exotic and skilled actresses, Tia Carrere and Karina Lombard. And while Tia did achieve some level of well-deserved fame, Karina remained relatively unknown. This is a shame because her performance here was phenomenal when you consider the role and the quality of the script. Despite my love for Tia, I think she was miscast here as her character looks and feels like it belongs in a Power Rangers television show. Check her out in Immortals for a real taste of her acting skills.
At this point, I should probably tell you that Kull the Conqueror is based on the works of Robert E. Howard, who also wrote Conan. Also, the man who wrote the script, Charles Edward Pogue, stated that the studios interfered too much with his work, leaving him very displeased with the final product. The fun section for this movie just continues, because this was originally the third part of the Conan trilogy! However, after Arnie refused to reprise his role and Sorbo refused to play a character so linked to Arnie, the studios decided to go in another direction and base the movie on another character from Howard’s novels. We’ve got monsters, disgruntled heirs, sorceresses, and all the rest of the stuff you would expect from a movie like this.
I think that’s it. Wait, it’s not. If you’re from Finland please confirm that the word Kull means penis, because that’s apparently true. I also think that most of the people involved with making this movie knew what the fuck is going on. I mean, the ridiculous script, hilarious soundtrack, “witty and cool” one-liners, and everything else was so funny that I had to pause Kull the Conqueror just to get some air into my lungs. Just take the fights, so ineptly choreographed that it’s actually amazing how they managed to survive them with serious injuries. All this being said, I must admit that the cinematography and production values are quite good for this type of movie. The set design was, in fact, excellent, just adding to the confusion.
Kull the Conqueror is one of those movies you watch to relax and get a few laughs. And I want to commend everyone who worked on it, I know how hard it is to make a movie so the effort is appreciated. And exactly this effort elevates the movie and makes it memorable. So memorable, we’re still talking about it. The only thing that’s missing is nudity, this being a PG-13 presentation. With a bit of tits, ass, and blood this could have been a true cult classic, not that Kull hasn’t achieved that role over the years. It works well also as an eighties fantasy movie if you like that sort of thing. And finally, all this is available in glorious BluRay quality so better get your sword and sorcerer ready ’cause we’re going to do some Kulling.
Director: John Nicolella
Writer: Robert E. Howard, Charles Edward Pogue
Cast: Kevin Sorbo, Tia Carrere, Thomas Ian Griffith, Harvey Fierstein
Fun Facts: While practicing for the fight scenes, Kevin Sorbo nicked himself with a dull-bladed prop sword. At his request, producers gave him a rubber sword.