I just had to see what’s up with this movie. And I knew that it will end up in a section movies so bad that they are good, and even that was a stretch. The story is so dumb, that it is indescribable, oh wait, it is describable: girl falls in love with a vampire and then other vampires try to kill her. That’s it folks, the script looks like it has been written by two fourteen-year-old girls while masturbating to some emo music. Now, let’s start a deeper analysis of the movie, if that is even possible. First off, the movie should have been titled The Stalker, because the main vampire dude stalks this girl, stares at her, only to tell her that they shouldn’t be friends! Then quit stalking me.
There is a tone of close-ups where she is biting her lip, always looking like she is about to cum. And he is just standing still, slightly tilted forward, looking semi-retarded. And what’s with the leeches for eyebrows with this vampire, they slapped some white stuff on him, used lipstick and stuck two leeches instead of eyebrows and you have a vampire now. Of course, all the characters are one dimensional, so you got a gay trendy dude, teens with usual problems and all the others. And on top of all, the script failures they managed to make a new brand of vampires, vegetarian vampires. Jesus Zombie Christ, what a dumb idea, they are having trouble killing people, but they have no problem with killing other vampires, dismembering and burning them, I guess that’s cool. And what’s up with the lame effects, when he is running in the forest it looks like a Benny Hill show. Anyway this movie is worth a watch just to laugh your ass off, enjoy.
Director: Catherine Hardwicke
Cast: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Billy Burke, Ashley Greene, Nikki Reed, Peter Facinelli
Fun Facts: Over 5,000 actors auditioned for the role of Edward.
IMDb Link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1099212/