If you’re looking for that slick summer blockbuster that’s going to keep you entertained for almost two hours, you just found it! G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is a dumb but fun action movie featuring excellent special effects and almost non-stop action. Something that’s not that surprising when you consider the fact that the director is Stephen Sommers. Yes, the man behind The Mummy, Deep Rising and Van Helsing. I don’t know how well you’re familiar with the G.I. Joe action figures by Hasbro but they were hugely popular in the eighties.
And just to make things perfectly clear, this movie has nothing to do with another eighties classic Cobra. I mean, let’s not lie to ourselves, not even this team could touch Marion Cobretti. And, as we all know, this isn’t the first time that an action figure got their own movie. Masters of Universe starring Dolph Lundgren as He-Man was released in 1987. Although the eighties keep popping up, I have to tell you that G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is a movie taking place in the near future and it features some pretty cool hi-tech.
Sommers spent a lot of time researching different technologies he could introduce to the plot. He finally settled on the nanomites, little robots that seem frighteningly realistic. Just don’t let Boston Dynamics see this movie. This movie is a true treat for all military enthusiasts. We will see a lot of cool vehicles, helicopters, and finally, super cool weapons. Everything looks so appealing that you might even consider joining the fucking military.
The only catch is that you might die in some remote country for nothing, but that’s life for ya. You know what the military-industrial complex says, get them while they’re young. However, I think this is too dumb of a movie for that to be an issue. So, just relax and enjoy the entertaining and over-the-top action. The production team destroyed no less than 112 cars during filming. And it fucking shows.
Weapons manufacturer Mars just developed a new weapon that’s going to change everything. Luckily he sells the first contingent to NATO who then has to transport the weapons to their headquarters. Evil forces led by the Baroness attack the convoy carrying the weapons and our two heroes, Duke and Ripcord barely escape with their lives. They’re rescued by a covert group of highly trained soldiers who want them to join their ranks. They think that Mars and its owner are hiding something very dangerous.
I really loved the action scenes in G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. They’re so good that I’m willing to forget all about indoctrination, the military-industrial complex, and all the other shit. I didn’t know I wanted to watch the Eiffel Tower being eaten by nanomites but apparently, I do. Not to mention the chase through the streets of Paris with explosions, collisions, and shootouts. It was fucking scrumptious. Although I was pretty high at that time. The cast was rock solid although the script was quite generic and at times weak. Then again, what to expect from a movie based on a line of toys for kids?
Director: Stephen Sommers
Writers: Stuart Beattie, David Elliot, Paul Lovett
Cast: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Marlon Wayans, Karolina Kurkova, Dennis Quaid, Jonathan Pryce
Fun Facts: The story in the movie G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra unfolds in the year 2020.